I wanted to change the world, but I couldn’t find a babysitter

I saw a t-shirt that said “I wanted to change the world, but I couldn’t find a babysitter’, I was about 25 years old and you best believe I bought it immediately.

It spoke to me so directly that it became my mantra, a tongue in cheek joke excusing and justifying the reason my life was on hold in the mid 90s. You see, instead of changing the world as I had long planned, I was knee deep in nappies, baby sick and sleepless nights. I was the main (only) childcare for 2 children with a year age gap between them, effectively pregnant for 2 years solid.

As my second was born, my first wasn’t even talking, and to be honest, I struggled to string a sentence together. I was in shock, left holding the babies as my husband disappeared off to sea 2 days after the youngest’s birth. As a tiny act of rebellion, I wore this t-shirt with pride, (ok, I wore it to bed, after all I didn’t want to be “too loud”), I felt I was letting the world know, whilst also convincing myself, that I still had a tiny sliver of independence, I still had big plans, big dreams, high hopes and aspirations. It’s ok I said to myself, so what if you’re a bit late to the party, you’ll get there, eventually…. you’ve been given an invitation.

As I write this, I let out a gentle smile, a small chuckle, not in a condescending way, just an affectionate nod to the naivety of my younger self.

The invitation that I elude to is the message that my generation of girls growing up in the 70s & 80s were being weaned on the promise that the world would also belong to us women, that we could have, do and be everything. We were actively encouraged to stand next to our peers, as equals, these were exciting times, the existence of this invitation clearly stated a shift in the messages given to our mothers and grandmothers before us.