Caring More and Caring Less- What Writing and Running Have In Common

I’d always wanted to be a runner.

I didn’t want to be a casual runner, a jogger, no way! I wanted to be the kind of runner who ran because, until they had, their day wasn’t complete. A runner who was strong, free and consistent.

I’ve said the same thing about writing and I’ve dabbled ever since my first creative writing retreat at 14 years old, carrying a quiet dream that one day I might eventually write a book, I suppose a bit like a runner might say “one day I’d like to run a marathon”.

I did follow my dream of becoming the runner that I’d always wanted to be, and I’ve ticked off many races from the runner’s “bucket list”. But with my writing, I’ve stayed somewhat on the sidelines, convincing myself that my weekly blogs and Substack pieces were enough and staying, I suppose, much like a runner, within a “comfort zone” of distances, not yet ready for the commitment of the next step.

Because that’s the thing with societal bucket lists, we all have them. From wanting to skydive, see the Northern Lights or learning a musical instrument; they’re just there on the very edge of our horizon… one day, we tell ourselves.

How does anyone make the shift from dreaming “it” to bringing “it” into a reality? We talk about being motivated to change, but what about the motivation that keeps us stuck in current behaviour patterns - even though we’re frustrated, fed up with listening to ourselves, and sick to death of our own excuses of why we haven’t fulfilled our dreams or turned them into action? I haven’t got any of the answers, but I do know that this is how I’ve been feeling with writing for a while now.

This year I joined an online writing group, a tentative step towards perhaps joining their book proposal group. Penny, the writing coach, reminds me a lot of myself in my own role as a running coach. Each week she provides a safe and accountable space for us to all show up, offering strategies and tools that are laced with humour and honesty, all designed to teach us not just how to write, but how to keep writing when life turns up the volume.

And, like me, she shares honestly about her imperfect, chaotic family life and the often daily struggle to get anything done at all! In doing so, she offers realistic support that somehow manages to convince me that one day, I might write that book. I recognise this same shift when I see beginners start to believe that one day they might run their marathon.

The other week, Penny talked about the concept of Caring More and Caring Less in our Writing which I found staggeringly applicable to running and have been wanting to share with you all ever since.

Penny described an essential juxtaposition when we set ourselves a goal, any goal, that we need to practice caring more and caring less in order to achieve it.

In Penny’s example of setting a goal to write a book, she explained that publishing a book is long and hard and can take many years, with numerous setbacks and rejections, and whilst motivation might initially be high, with all these knock backs and distractions, it can fade over time. Caring more about what it is that you want to say or do helps ride out these tough times, keeping momentum going even when it feels (literally in running terms) like we’re going nowhere fast.

The caring less part of any goal is the essential and often un-discussed ability to not get hung up on “perfect”. For example, those first sentences, paragraphs and chapters not actually being, well, any good - but not letting that hold you up from keeping on keeping on, chipping away.

And I really understood this, recognising it from my own experience of coaching runners, giving ourselves permission (with a sprinkling of self-compassion) to be beginners - whether that’s running entirely, tackling a new distance, or trying a new discipline. Allowing ourselves to be fledglings, imperfectly finding a way to reduce the gap between our high expectations and the reality of consistency.

And this learning, having an understanding, that those first words strung together won’t all be dazzling hooks that catch the reader’s attention, similarly, those first miles won’t be worthy of a podium finish, is so important for not quitting.

Because it is consistency that breathes air and space onto any ember, causing it to spark, and don’t we all know that flames need this to be able to dance. Consistency should be built gradually rather than demanded immediately, because waiting for perfection is paralysing

That’s writing. That’s running.

Oh and being a runner is long and hard, whatever challenge you take on, surely we also have to keep caring more about running itself to keep going, despite inevitable setbacks, the ‘ordinary’ runs, the frustrating races, and the crushing disappointments when results don’t meet our perfect ideal. It’s rare for runners to leap from one shiny PB to another. The reality of running is hard work, week in, week out, sweaty, muddy, sometimes snotty..

Embracing the idea of “caring less” will free you of the memories of your past flawless splits or picture-perfect sentences for long enough to allow you to just do.

Being coached by Penny has made me realise that sometimes we forget that showing up imperfectly is where the real work is. I wholeheartedly believe there’s no such thing as a natural runner or writer, and it regularly surprises people when I tell them that I don’t actually wake up every morning brimming with enthusiasm and innate discipline to go for a run; I don’t know anyone who does.

Both running and writing get ugly, learning to tough it out when there are no guarantees of ‘success’ is hard but essential. Possibly, the most essential skill beyond any natural aptitude or “talent’.

So show up, even when it’s messy and not how you pictured it. Care enough to keep going, but not too much that you wait for your run to be faultless because it won’t be, perfect conditions rarely exist. Practice self-compassion, accept incremental progress but above everything else make sure you run the slow mile or write the first bad sentence.